Earthbound:the parody
by lozza1989
Summary: This is a parody of the game Earthbound. This is my first Earthbound fic. Hope this will turn out okay.


The Meteorite

It was slowly approaching midnight and in the small town of Onett, something big and fiery was falling from the sky and it was heading towards a hilltop just outside of the town area which was nearby two houses and when it landed, it caused a small earthquake and some people began coming out of their houses whilst others stayed indoors and just peered out of their windows. After the Meteorite had landed, one of the doors to two houses that were near the hilltop opened and a pig like boy came out.

"Woah, what was that, I'm gonna go check it out" he said in a voice that was very similiar to that of Eric cartman's and he ran (actually he more likely waddled than ran because he was fat) towards the hilltop whilst next door, a Boy of about the same age who was called Ness had just been woken up by the small earthquake caused by the Meteorite and was peering out of his bedroom window.

"Dang, I can't see from here, I'm gonna go outside to check it out, maybe then I'll get a better view" he said to himself before putting his slippers on before heading out into the hallway where he saw a little blonde hair girl no older than Eight or Ten years old in a pink night dress.

"Hey bro, did you hear that that huge bang?" she asked "did it scare you, it sure freaked me out, where you going anyway?" she stood in front of him, arms folded and she had a serious look on her face like she had just finished giving a lecture.

""I'm going to check out what landed on the hilltop, you coming or are you staying here?" he asked.

"No thankyou very much" his little sister replied before going back into her room. Ness just shrugged and headed downstairs where he saw his mum in the front room looking out the window.

"Maybe if I sneak past her, I can go up to the hilltop and see what landed there" he muttered to himsel efore attempted to sneak towards the front door but his mum tunred around and caught him trying to sneak out.

"And just where do you think you're going in your jammies at this time of night?' she asked, hands on her hips and raising her eyebrows at him.

"I was just gonna go to the hilltop to see what caused that huge bang" Ness replied.

"Well you'll just go and sneak out anyway, even if i advise you not to do so, but at least put some clothes on before you do go out anyway, I'm not having you going out in public in your jammies" she told him. So Ness went back to his room and changed into a yellow and blue striped t-shirt, knee lengh denim shorts and a red and blue baseball cap which he considered as his lucky charm. After he had changed, Ness went outside and saw that there was Police all over the area.

"Wow, whatever landed on the hilltop must be a pretty big deal if the cops are everywhere" he muttered to himself just as a nerdy looking kid came running up to him.

"Hey guess what, a meteorite landed on the hilltop and I am going to be the first one to see it, bwuahahahahahaha" the nerd said.

"Well looks like the cops beat you to it" Ness told him because a group of cops where near the hilltop and it looked like they had blocked off the hilltop too.

"Damn" the nerd muttered before heading back home to sit and hang his head in shame. After the weird nerd incident, Ness made his way towards the hilltop and he noticed that the cops had also blocked roads towards the town centre and getting curious, he decided to ask why.

"Hey, isn't it past your bedtime?" one cop asked him "why don't you get your puny little butt home."

"Well I can see that you're very polite this evening officer" Ness replied sarcasticly with a grin "so any ways, how come you've blocked all the roads off."

"It's none of your buisness you nosey little runt, now get gone before I have you arrested for sticking your nose in official police business" the rude cop told him.

"Well if that's how you feel then I'll go and leave you cops to your road blocking duties" Ness replied before turning round and heading up towards the hilltop where the meteorite had landed and saw that his pig like neighbour was already up there, pestering the cops.

"Oh great, it's Pokey the pig human hybrid"Ness muttered to himself before continuing on further. He couldn't figure out whether Pokey was human who had weight issues or was some cross breed between a person and a pig as he had the manners of one but that didn't matter right now, that theory could be decided another time, all Ness was interested in was checking out the Meteorite. When he finally got to the hilltop, one of the cops asked him if he'll gladly tell Pokey to go away because he was bothering them.

"Okay" Ness replied before turning to the fat blonde kid "hey Porkster, shove off, you're bugging the officers."

"I ain't doing anything, it's you who's bugging the cops erm I mean officers" Pokey replied.

'Excuse me fatty but I think you'll find it's you who's bothering them" Ness replied, arms folded, smirking.

"Whatever you skinny little twit" Pokey replied "anyways, why don't you go on back home and I'll tell you all about the meteorite tomorrow, now shove off."

'How rude" Ness scoffed before heading back to his house where he found his mom waiting for him.

"Back already huh, did you see what landed on the hilltop?" she asked him.

"Apparently it was a Meteorite but I didn't get to see because the cops have blocked the hilltop off" he told her.

"Well I'm not going to ask you any more tonight, head on back to bed young man" Ness's mom told me and he did as he was told. Later that night, there was a loud knock on the front door and annoyed at being woken up, Ness grumbled, looked at his alarm clock to see that it was three thirty am.

"Why would someone be banging on the door at this hour?" he grumbled to himself to see that his mom was still up.

"Mom what are you still doing up?" he asked as the knocking got louder.

"I was asleep but I got woken up by some idiot banging on the door and they've been at it for an hour and a half" she explained.

'Well why didn't you answer it an hour and a half ago?" Ness asked her.

"Because I didn't want to answer it, it could be an axe murderer or mad man wielding a chainsaw but seeing since you're the man of the house whilst your dad is away i'd figure I'd let you answer it" she explained.

"I'm not a man, I'm only Thirteen" Ness pointed out.

"Just answer the door will you and if it is a axe murderer or a chainsaw wielding madman then I apologize" she replied. Ness rolled his eyes and went to answer the door but as he was about to answer it, the door flew open and Pokey came barging it.

"You know it's polite to wait until someone answers the door, you don't just come barging in" Ness told the obese blonde boy very sternly.

'But this is an emergency" Pokey yelled, waving his arms around in the air "it's my little brother Picky, he's gone, I took him to the place where the meteor landed and after the cops left to deal with that gang of ruffians, the sharks I noticed that he was gone, oh man, when my dad gets back I'll be grounded for years, he'll beat my ass and he'll take away my Spongebob DVDS."

"What makes me think I'll help a food loving creature like you?" Ness asked with a smirk.

"Because I will say something that will cut you like a knife " Pokey threatened in a low voice so that Ness's mom couldn't hear him.

"Okay fine I'll help you" Ness agreed "you'll keep bothering me anyway if I said no over and over again."

"Great, by the way I think you should say goodbye to your mom first" Pokey suggested.

"Well if you are going back out there, take the cracked bat, it's in Tracy's room" his mom suggested.

'Mom I'm only going to find Picky, why would I need the cracked bat?" Ness asked her with a confused expression.

"Because you might get attacked or mugged. You'll need the cracked bat to defend yourself" she explained "oh and change out of your jammies too."

"Excuse me Ma'am but do you mind if I check what food you have in your cupboards, I'm starving" Pokey said as he made his way into the kitchen whilst Ness went upstairs to change back into his clothes and get the cracked bat from Tracy's room.

"What do you want?" she asked as Ness entered her room.

"Is the cracked bat still in here?" he asked.

"yeah it's at the bottom of my bed" Tracy replied "why do you need anyway?"

"Because Pokey aka pork features wants me to help him find his brother and mom insisted I'd take the cracked bat with me for protection" Ness explained.

"Oh here you can have this" Tracy said as she took out a stale cookie from her pocket and handed it to ther older brother "sorry it's been in my pocket for a week but I'd figured you might get hungry on the way."

"Erm thanks" Ness replied as he looked at the cookie which didn't look very appetising before picking up the cracked bat and heading back downstairs where he found Pokey rummaging through the fridge and his mom still waiting in the front room.

"Well I'm going now mom, I've got the bat like you told me to" he said just as Pokey came back in, stuffing his face with potato chips.

"Well good luck honey oh and I think it might be a good idea if you took King with you" she suggested. Ness looked over at the dog which was sleeping by the couch and gave a sigh, King was a pretty useless, cowardly and lazy dog but if his mom thought it was a good idea then he might as well.

"Okay King, where going to help Pokey find his brother" Ness told the lazy dog as he put a lead on him.

"Woof woof woof woof (translation:well it looks like I don't really have a choice, so I guess we better get going" King thought to himself.

"Okay Ness buddy, you ready to get going?" Pokey asking as he stuffed five potato chips at once in his fat mouth.

"Fine" Ness replied as he rolled his eyes and took King's leash. The two boys then headed to the front door but as Ness was about to put his hand on the door handle, the phone began to ring.

"Oh crab sticks" Ness grumbled before telling Pokey to take King's lead whilst he went to answer the phone which wasn't a good idea because Pokey was scared of dogs.

"Please don't hurt me" he said to King who just yawned in boredom. Meanwhile, Ness was talking to his dad on the phone and he had informed him that he had transferred thirty dollars into his bank account.

"It's not allowance day is it?" Ness asked.

"_No son but I have this feeling that you are about to embark on a big adventure so i'd figure you'd need some money to buy stuff with."_

"But dad if I was gonna go on a big adventure for whatever reason then i don't think thirty dollars would last me" Ness replied as he glanced over at Pokey who was nervously backed up against the wall as king sniffed his feet.

"_Well i'll transfer more money in your account from time to time, you know i'm a generous dad. So do you have your ATM card with you?." _Ness checked his pockets and found his ATM card.

"Yeah I have it" he replied.

"_Okay good and you can call me any time you want, good luck my son, I feel like such a hero, well the father of a hero anyway, hahahaha." _ Ness put the receiver down and walked back over to Pokey who was constantly begging king not to hurt him.

"Oh for god sakes Porky, King's far to lazy and cowardly to maul you to death" Ness told him as he took King's lead "but if any dog was to maul you, they'll get plenty of meat because you have plenty of it on your body."

"But he's got that look of death in his eyes and it's Pokey, not Porky and why do you keep making hints that I'm fat, I'm not fat, I'm big boned" the fat kid replied as shoved another handful of potato chips in his mouth and Ness looked at him, raising an eyebrow before the two boys began walking back up to the hilltop where the meteor was and Pokey was beginning to sing due to the fact that he was bored.

'I'm a goofy goober, yeah, you're a goofy goober yeah, we're all goo-"Ness clamped his hand over his fat mouth.

"Will you shut up" he hissed.

"No way, this is my favourite song" Pokey retorted "I'm a goofy goober, yeah."

"Seriously, shut up, I hear something" Ness warned him before out of nowhere, a crow wearing sunglasses came out of nowhere and began to attack the two boys.

"Aiiieeeeeeee" Pokey screamed like a little girl "save me mommy." Ness didn't scream like a little girl because he wasn't a big coward,instead, he took the cracked bat from his bag pack and prepared to attack the Spiteful crow who grinned evilly.

"Come at me bro" it said, spreading it's wings out.

"Good job I took mom's advice and decided to bring this with me" he said as he took a swing at the spiteful crow who dodged out the way and grinned evilly "and since when did crows grin?"

"Ness, stop talking and save my life" Pokey howled as he hid behind the other boy "please don't hurt me Mr. Crow."

"Shut up I'm trying to beat the crap out of this crow" Ness told Pokey as he took another swing but the crow dodged out the way again before it stole the stale cookie "okay, take it but it won't taste very nice, it's stale." The spiteful crow dived bombed Ness and pecked him in the eyes.

"Ouch you little" Ness growled as he took one final swing at the spiteful crow and this time, he hit it "yes, take that you evil little bugger." The spiteful crow flipped Ness off and flew away, dropping a cookie which looked out of date by three years.

"Is it gone?" Pokey whimpered.

"Yes, come on you big pussy, we need to find your brother" Ness reminded him. As the two boys continued on their way, they were attacked by two more spiteful crows, three coil snakes and a runaway dog which made Pokey wet himself due to his huge fear of dogs.

"Geez, why have the animals suddenly turned evil" Ness thought to himself "I reckon something evil is going on." During the fights, Ness had gained a healing life up power which he could use should he receive some damage during another fight and Pokey was vowing revenge on one of the spiteful crows because it stole the bag of potato chips that he stole from Ness's house.

"That crow will pay, it will suffer big time, bwahahahahahaha" he declared and Ness had to kick him to shut him up because they had arrived at the meteor place. It was very strange looking and King whimpered like a coward and ran way.

"Hey king, come back here you big coward" Ness yelled but the dog ignored him and continued running back home.

"Okay, let's find Picky and get back home before my parents get back" Pokey told him and the pair of them looked around the area until they found Picky sitting up against a tree sleeping. He was round about the same age as Tracy and had a bowl cut hair style but he wasn't fat like his older brother who had to kick him in order to wake him up.

"Aiieeeeeee" he yelled as he suddenly woke up to see the two older boys "oh there you are Pokey, I've been looking all over for you, you see, Pokey got scared and ran away when the cops went to deal with the sharks. I've been looking for you for ages but I got tired and fell asleep but any ways we better be heading back, I'd bet mom and dad will be wondering where we are." The three boys then began to make their way back back down the hilltop when Pokey suddenly grabbed Ness by the arm.

"What is it now?" he asked in an annoyed tone.

"Don't you hear it?" Pokey asked " that buzzing sound, it's coming from the meteor." The three boys looked over at the meteor as a huge light billowed from it and a small bee like creature came flying from it.

"A bee?" Ness asked with a puzzled expression "why is there a bee inside the meteor?." before any of them could react, the bee cresture began to speak.

"You may think I am a bee, but I am not, my name is Buzz buzz and I came from ten years in the future."

"Cool a bee from the future, so tell us Mr future bee, what's the future like?" Pokey asked.

"Shut up fatso, I already told you that I'm not a bee and the future is all devestation" Buzz replied.

"Well sorry I asked" Pokey mumbled, folding his arms.

"What do you mean all the future is devestation?" Ness asked " Justin bieber hasn't become president has he?"

"No, justin bieber hasn't become president" Buzz buzz replied "but it's something much worser than Justin bieber becoming president, you seen in ten years, the whole universe will be destroyed by an evil entity known as Giygas." Pokey screamed like a little girl and Ness glared at the fat kid with an annoyed expression.

"Porko, what the hell was that about?" he asked "you are being the worlds biggest coward tonight."

"Oh come on, didn't you hear what the Alien bee just said, the whole universe being destroyed in ten years is just a scary thought" Pokey replied "and stop making fun of my name."

"Whatever you wuss" Ness replied before turning back to Buzz buzz "so why are you telling me that some evil Entity thing named Giygas is going to destroy the universe,what have I got to do with it?"

"Well, there's a prophecy from the ancient times which states that three boys and one girl will defeat Giygas and it is my opinion that you are one of those Boys Ness" Buzz Buzz explained as Ness's jaw dropped.

"You can't be serious" he replied "I can't even boil an egg let alone save the world from some evil being who's bent on destroying all of humanity."

"Don't fret my boy" Buzz Buzz replied "I will explain later about what you must do. let's get going now and don't be anxious about the future. Did You listen to what i just told you?"

"I guess so" Ness replied, rubbing the back of his head "if this prophecy thing says that I have to save he world then I guess that's what I'll do."

"Good, now let's get going" said Buzz buzz and the group began making their way back down the hilltop.

"Boy Ness, it seems like you got yourself in a real pickle" Pokey stated "I just hope that one of them three boys isn't me because this ain't my kind of my thing you know, I'm pooping myself just thinking about it."

"Oh that's pleasant" Ness replied with a discusted look on his face.

"Dont worry"Buzz Buzz told pokey "the prophecy didn't say anything about one of the chosen four being pig like and obnoxious."

"Oh ha ha very funny" Pokey said sarcasticly. Pokey and buzz Buzz continued to bicker on the rest of the way down when something materilised in front of them, blocking their path.

"What's that?" Ness asked.

"This is Starman Junior" Buzz Buzz stated.

"well well well, it's been a long time Buzz Buzz" the star man junior spoke "you've been successful so far at foiling Master Giygas's plans, but you're no longer a hero, just a pathetic little insect. Now prepare to meet your doom."


End file.
